This addiction has most definately taken over my wife. It all started when I was deployed and Twilight Saga began. She started with the books, reading them 11 times straight through, then has moved to http://www.fanfiction.net in the Twilight genre. Needless to say I literally loath Edward Cullen and crowd!

Since returning home 2 years ago she has devoted nearly every waking moment to reading and logging progress of the fanfction twilight stories. I am not exaggerating at all when I say she has completely disengaged from responsibility and relationships. Her fanfiction reading schedule (which is very fluid based on her ability to maintain awareness) is like this 6 sometimes 7 days a week: 0600-0830 break from reading to attempt sleep, 0830-1400/1600hrs sleep, mid afternoon (1400-1600hrs) wake, go to kitchen get a Diet Pepsi and M&Ms head back up stairs to strat reading, 1600-1900 hrs read and wait for me to fix dinner, 1900-2100hrs turn on TV to watch X-Factor or some reality show and maybe eat but always waits till it is cold, 2100-0600hrs lay in bed with Nook and read straight through the night.

Admittedly, I have run the gammit on emotions over the issue and have tried everything possible to get her to do something with me and the family…nothing works. One would think that she is depressed but in all reality she is happy as can be doing what she does. In addition, she only showers once a week, complains about her eyes, back, and headaches but does not believe anything is wrong.

I have two daughters who live with us still (21 and 22yrs old) who will be out soon. They too have tried but she does not budge. Any discussion on the topic or challenge to get her involved with someother activity simply causes rage on her part.

I am absolutely beside myself but know I cannot live this way for ever. Marriage was not designed to be lived alone. After 24 years together and completion of my military career, I really had home and dreamed that she and I would spent the later part of life best friends with full of adventure.

Any insite would be appreciated. If not, then simply thank you for the opportunity to share my story.
Hopefully, nobody else has to tolorate such lack of respect for the institution of marriage and friendship.

Respectfully,

Vaughan

This is so crazy! I have truly had an “Aha moment” and the feeling is amazing!

Quick backdrop- I fell into the alcohol trap in my early 20s when I exited an abusive relationship of 5 years. I loved life, partied, went to college, graduated- just not from the alcohol which became a daily routine. I never managed to keep a boyfriend, they either cheated or lost interest, and I kept drinking every night. I have never been completely financially stable- alcohol and cigarettes are expensive! I slowly but surely became aware that I had a severe drinking problem, and I made a true attemp to quit which lasted short of 1 year. I sought help, therapy, AA meeting, meds, Buddhism, – anything to stay sober, while still wanting to be able to drink. Then it was the same ol’ story- except now I was drinking by my self and becoming very isolated.

2,5 years ago I got pregnant and once I had my son- and I was sober while pregnant, I lost/gave up/ ran away from that relationship too, surprise… I dove into finishing my second degree as a single mother and drinking every night. I started feeling more and more guilty and afraid that I would cause true damage, and knew that this needed to stop.

I came across the book called ” The Easy Way to Stop Drinking” by Allen Carr (and NO I don’t work for him, nor do I get paid-though that would really help-for mentioning it). I was afraid to finish it, thinking that if it indeed was NOT easy to quit, then I would be doomed to struggle with AA meeting for the rest of my life- a thought I detested and made me want to drink another beer!
But, I swear on my son’s life, my mother’s life, my father and stepfather, all of my sisters and anyone else for that matter- it was THAT easy! Once I finished the book and followed the guidelines I have never ever had an urge to drink again, and it’s been over 1,5 years since I stopped drinking- and smoking a pack a day! And I haven’t missed it for a second.

So you may wonder what’s the point of this? Here’s the weird- despite the fact that I was able to quit drinking without any problems, no cravings, no anxiety, no bad dreams, no withdrawals- nothing- I still was not happy.

And for the past 1,5 I have become more and more miserable. I have hardly any friends, I’m still unable to keep a man, and I have little self-esteem. I’ve seen therapists, been on anti depressants, I’ve eaten healthy bla bla bla. Still feel as if something is missing. I have no spark, no passion, no interests, I’m bland. Then last night, my best male friend told me to snap out of it and told me to stop the pity party. I thought yeah, yeah, yeah… whatever.

I decided to look up “how to over come self-pity” and that’s when it hit me! I’m obsessing about myself.I never knew that this is another type of addiction. I have been completely consumed by my own pathetic thoughts. I have put the content of that bottle of wine inside my head and created a self-pity party with no one to join in but myself. While life has passed on right under my nose. It’s always been about me, me, me. Poor me! No matter what I do I’m never rewarded, I have played a martyr, and I just didn’t get it! For so many years, I have felt I have no identity, that I don’t fit in, that I am not good enough etc etc., when this whole time I have forgotten to be grateful, thankful and proud of my life, family friends and my beautiful son! It is like a dark cloud has disappeared and the sun is finally shining.

It’s time to live!!!! It’s time to join the party called life! No more self-pity for me!

So Thank you, and Thank me- whoever you are.

Maria

PS. For those people who for one reason or another have a drinking/smoking problem- do yourself and your family and friends the simple favor of reading the book I mentioned above. It’s only $10-a little more than a 6 pack of beer/ bottle of red/cocktail at the bar, but so much less than a DUI, loss of child, job and loved once and maybe a short cut to a life without self-pity.

At least reading this blog helps me see that I wasn’t incorrect in thinking that she was reading to escape us, her work and the other feelings and emotions that she doesn’t/hasn’t wanted to face over these many years.

Thanks.

Mac

Even the most mundane of chores cannot be accomplished because he’s trying to read at the same time. Eating is also a real issue which he can’t concentrate on due to his addiction. He has allowed reading to be his “food” After happening upon this article, I had to at least vent a little bit(o k, a lot) This is a real problem. I realize there are circumstances in our lives that cause us to retreat into seemingly another world, but it is very frustrating to see someone you love so dearly appear to waste away right before your very own eyes. Yes, reading is great, but when the addiction causes one to be oblivious to the reality of life it becomes a very tragic circumstance. All I can do is pray for him.