How can we stay plugged in to our recovery and ultimately overcome addiction?

Photo by j / f / photos

This the third part in a series about beating addiction. The first 2 parts were:

1. The secret of overcoming addiction and alcoholism.

2. Transforming your life with a spiritual experience.

In this post, I’ll be outlining how to stay plugged in to recovery.

Why is important to stay “plugged in” to recovery? Because we
actually forget that we are addicts and alcoholics.

Now at first this statement seems ridiculous to most people. How can
we forget such a fundamental truth that we have come to know about
ourselves? Many of us immerse ourselves in recovery, go to meetings, participate in
sponsorship, and read recovery literature, so
how in the world could we actually forget that we are addicted?

This is part of the cunning nature of the disease. Obviously, we
don’t completely forget about our addiction–not for any length of
time anyway. But what happens is that we might see an advertisement
for beer, or see our old crack dealer walking down the street, and we
have to catch ourselves. For just a split second we almost react,
forgetting about how we are now in recovery.

Now don’t get me wrong–we catch ourselves very quickly in these
situations. Usually within a mere second or two. But the damage is
done, in that a thousand little triggers can start to wear down on us
after a while. We might drive past the old bar that we use to drink
at and think for a split second, “gee, a beer would be nice…” and
then we catch ourselves. Does experiencing this trigger make us go
drink? Of course not. But it might play in our minds a bit. Then
the next day something else will hit us in much the same way,
triggering the old feelings. If we aren’t progressing in our recovery
in between these intermittent triggers, they will eventually add up
and overwhelm us.

This is counterintuitive, because any one of us can make it through
a single trigger or urge to use drugs and alcohol. We know we can because we
have done it before. It’s not that hard. What makes this so
tricky is that the triggers add up. Each little trigger accumulates,
until we become miserable enough to take a serious look at
self-medicating again. Then we are in trouble.

Staying plugged in to recovery

As we maintain sobriety, triggers and urges will inevitably arise. In
order to deal with them, we need to maintain a certain level of active
progress in our recovery; in our spiritual growth. Again, this is
counterintuitive. We believe that once we learn how to deal with
triggers, we will remember for the rest of our lives. Recovery
doesn’t work that way–it doesn’t matter how smart you are or how good your
memory is. We still forget that we are addicts, if even for a split
second! And that is enough to start piling up a mountain of misery if
we are not actively pursuing spiritual growth. The key is that we
need to stay active in this pursuit. A boring, passive routine will
cause us to stagnate.

Pursuing spiritual growth

The big book of Alcoholics Anonymous states that our continued sobriety
is based on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. How does this
work? Well, let’s say for example that a recovering addict wakes up
every day in their recovery and does the following things:

1) Prays to a higher power

2) Meditates

3) Reads a daily reading, such as from the “24 Hour a Day” book or
NA’s “Just for Today”

4) Goes to a meeting and shares their experience openly

5) Works directly with other alcoholics and helps them to recover

6) Tries to genuinely draw closer to a higher power and to do his
will in their life

Any recovering addict or alcoholic who is doing those things every day
has a very good chance of maintaining sobriety. The critical thing
here is that this person is practically immune to the occasional
trigger or urge to use drugs or alcohol. Their daily routine is not
stagnant and passive, but instead it is filled with opportunity for
spiritual growth. Their life in recovery is dynamic. They are
interacting with others in recovery every day, and learning and
growing with them. They are actively pursuing a meaningful
relationship with a higher power.

Now, do you have to do all of those things, every day, in order to
recover? Not necessarily. But it certainly wouldn’t hurt to try some
or all of those things in order to get a baseline for your own
spiritual growth and development. Each thing on that list is a tool
that will directly help you to stay plugged in to your recovery and
ultimately help you to overcome addiction.

Make sure to check back next week, for the fourth part of this series in beating addiction: “Major stumbling blocks in recovery and how to overcome them.” Make sure you subscribe via RSS or sign up to receive posts through email if you don

Photo by gtrwndr87 and radiant guy

This is the second part in a series. If you read the first part, “The Secret of Overcoming Addiction and Alcoholism,” then you know that the real secret to long term sobriety is through a spiritual experience.

It’s easy to talk about spiritual matters, because the term is so broadly defined. In order to make this discussion useful, however, we need to get more specific.

The term “spiritual” becomes useful when we break it down into specific actions and behaviors. The spiritual experience is characterized by 2 things:

1) A complete change in personality, and

2) A connection with a higher power.

A complete change in personality

The typical drug addict or alcoholic is self seeking and self centered when it comes to medicating themselves with drugs and alcohol. Although they might genuinely care for other people, their addiction causes their personality to shift, and their chemical use becomes their main priority in life. This leads to extreme self-centeredness.

The complete change in personality that results from a spiritual experience leads us away from this self-centeredness towards a genuine interest in other recovering addicts. Medicating ourselves becomes less and less important each day, and the relationships in our lives become more important.

This change in personality doesn’t happen overnight. You have to start living recovery. To many people, that means involvement in a twelve step program and the association with the fellowship. This is an excellent route to go, because it puts you in direct connect with other recovering addicts and alcoholics. Relating your experiences with these people is a huge key. So is working with them and helping them when you can.

A big part of the personality shift is in the idea of giving back; of helping others. This is a critical component. Without it, you probably won’t achieve a lasting and quality sobriety. Twelve step programs are convenient because they afford you such a great opportunity to give back and to help others, though a spiritual experience can certainly occur without them.

Forming a connection with a higher power

Most people walking into recovery don’t have a strong connection with a higher power. I know that I personally did not, and so I started seeking it immediately.

1) Exploring Different Belief Systems

I immediately started what I viewed as a “spiritual journey.” At the time–for me–this consisted of reading books. I read the New Testament, and the Tao Te Ching. I also read a number of books about Zen Bhuddism.

I was seeking. This wasn’t necessarily a good thing, or a bad thing, it’s just where I was at the time. I was looking for something. I don’t necessarily think this was necessary, but I don’t regret doing it. I learned a lot of spiritual principles (but I would have been led to them anyway).

The 12 steps are a clear path to a spiritual awakening. But some might want to explore outside of AA dogma. Luckily, the fellowship generally encourages this. However, looking back, I don’t think it is necessary. Why not?

Because they are all the same path. We are all on the same journey, all headed for the same destination. Some are further along than others. But I had to seek for a year or two, to see what was out there, and draw all of the parallels. I saw enough parallels between different belief systems that I decided that they are all the same path.

Some might disagree with this. That’s alright–that person is on the path too. It’s not about being right when it comes to spiritual growth. It’s really all about the growth itself!

What’s really important is that I took a suggestion early on to start praying every day. That consistent practice has made a much bigger difference than all of my seeking and book reading that I did.

Helpful Takeaway: Make a habit of praying daily. Seek if you must, but don’t force yourself. Enjoy the journey. And pray.

2) Helping Others and the Loss of Self-Centeredness

This is a huge part of having a “spiritual awakening.” I was lucky to be introduced to AA and the twelve step fellowship, because through it, I was able to start helping others. Instead of obsessively focusing on getting my next drink or drug, I became genuinely interested in other people’s sobriety. This wasn’t something that I did intentionally. It just happened as a result of living in a long term treatment center, taking suggestions from others, and working with others in recovery.

Helpful Takeaway: Be helpful. Reach out to others in recovery. Notice when your obsession with drugs and alcohol slips away and be grateful for it.

Slowly transforming into a different person

So the spiritual experience is achieved through a connection with a higher power and a genuine interest in helping others. But this doesn’t happen overnight….recovery takes time. We can’t just decide to recover overnight and suddenly turn into this super-spiritual being. Anything that happens quickly is bound to be fleeting. It takes time to build up a solid foundation of recovery.

Recognize that recovery from addiction takes time and enjoy the journey. Stay on the path, and constantly evaluate the path. Always be growing, push yourself not to stagnate. Look back and see the tremendous progress you’ve made. Remember where you came from, and the obsession and self-centeredness that your life used to be. See how much you’ve changed and let that be a tremendous source of gratitude. Know that you are blessed as you continue to stay sober. So many others do not make it!

Some addicts and alcoholics achieve this spiritual experience, only to relapse at some point in the future.

How can we achieve long term sobriety?

Check back next week when I dissect the specific requirements needed to achieve a long lasting recovery. Make sure you subscribe via RSS or sign up for email updates if you don’t want to miss it.

What is the secret to overcoming addiction and alcoholism?

The secret of recovery stems from a decision to stop using drugs and alcohol. In this post I will explain how to make this critical decision, and what is necessary to maintain a lasting sobriety. The technique is based on my personal experience–what actually worked for me in achieving long-term sobriety.

What is the Biggest Secret to a Successful Recovery?

You Don’t Need a Hammer to Pound in the Recovery Nail….You Need an Enormous Sledgehammer! What do I mean by this? Simply that most people underestimate their disease, and they do not grasp the importance of dedicating their life to recovery.

Photo by caffeinata

This is the big breakthrough that so many newcomers fail to make. They do not commit to their recovery with overwhelming force. This is understandable, given the way our life typically works. When we have a new experience, or a new challenge to overcome, we usually try to be efficient about it. We don’t want to waste time, effort, and energy. So we typically put forth a modest effort when attempting to conquer a new challenge in our lives. For most situations, this is a reasonable approach.

Of course, this doesn’t work with recovery. With only a modest effort, relapse is inevitable. A recovering addict might learn from this mistake, and give it another try, and they still won’t commit to a 100 percent effort. Instead, they will try only a little bit harder than last time. This is a natural progression, and one that usually makes sense in our world. Why go overboard? Why waste energy? And so, addicts and alcoholics continue to relapse, as they slowly find out just how much it takes to maintain sobriety.

Go From Zero to Sixty in Your Recovery, Right Now

The answer to all this, of course, is to commit fully to overcomingaddiction. What does that mean? You must initially dedicate your entire life to it. Use the concept of overwhelming force to dominate your new goals in recovery. Don’t just push yourself to follow your recovery plan with a modest effort. Instead, crush your goals completely by going far above and beyond what you think is actually necessary. Here are three ways to do that:

1) Long Term Treatment

This sounds like an extreme measure to most people, but living in long term treatment for 20 months was one of the best decisions I ever made. There is almost no way to achieve a higher level of support than to live with other recovering addicts and alcoholics. Long term treatment saved my life. It works.

2) Develop a Huge Support System

They tell you to get phone numbers of other recovering addicts and alcoholics and to use them. They tell you to get a sponsor. They tell you to call these people and interact with them on a daily basis. Most people make only a half-hearted attempt at this type of networking. Those who make it in recovery develop a huge support system that is vital to success.

3) Hit Those Meetings

A popular suggestion is to go to 90 meetings in 90 days. To many people, this sounds like overkill. But it’s really just a modest baseline. Ask someone with several years in sobriety and they will almost always tell you that they went to MORE than 90 meetings in 90 days in the beginning.

Starting to see a pattern here?

Overcommitment. Going above and beyond the suggestions. Organizing your entire life around recovery. These are the strategies that produce lasting sobriety.

There is More

The suggestions covered above are all great, and they were a huge part of what kept me sober in the beginning. But the real secret to recovery lies in the spiritual experience–this has proven to be the key to long term sobriety for me. Next week I’ll be posting a complete guide to the spiritual experience.

If you’d like, you can subscribe via RSS or sign up to receive these posts through email if you don’t want to miss it.

Conquering an addiction can be a bit deceptive. The problem is that we have conditioned ourselves to look for incremental progress when it comes to personal growth. What does that mean? Let me give you an example.

Photo by iwona_kellie and Michelle Gomes

Take weight loss. If you make a decision to lose weight, you might start an exercise program, and then make a concerted effort to not eat certain foods. You might step on the scale each morning and start to see the results of your efforts. These results are incremental, and progress is relatively slow. Perhaps you will lose a pound every few days, but then slip up on the weekend and eat some unhealthy food that you weren’t planning on. So there is a slight slip in your progress, but overall, you continue to make incremental steps towards your goal of losing weight.

Another example might be with losing your temper. Say you have a coworker who typically enrages you. So you make a conscious effort to maintain a calm demeanor and general goodwill towards this individual. You might do well with these efforts on most days, but occasionally find yourself getting upset with the person anyway. You’ve made progress, but there are still some trouble spots with this issue.

So much of personal growth–and indeed life itself–seems to operate this way. Nobody expects us to be perfect. We do not demand perfection of each other. We are usually happy to see incremental progress towards our goals.

But conquering addictions does require perfection. Abstinence from drugs and alcohol is the whole key….it is the prerequisite to a life of successful recovery. We must not use drugs or alcohol, period.

Abstinence is a perfection. That means that when you are abstaining from drugs and alcohol, you are abstaining one hundred percent. There is no room for error. Nothing must slip through the cracks here. Abstinence is a perfection. You must abstain perfectly in order to succeed. This might be obvious, but I noticed that it was not heavily emphasized in early recovery.

Photo by wakingmagenta and Jingles the Pirate

When I first came to recovery, I was a bit confused by this apparent lack of emphasis on abstinence. There seemed to be a number of other things that I was supposed to focus on in order to start working a recovery program. For example, the connection with my higher power. Or simply finding a higher power. Or finding a sponsor to guide me through the steps. Or simply working through the 12 steps. But no one seemed to be shouting from the rooftops that absolute abstinence from drugs and alcohol was the number one priority. But I quickly figured out that it was. I figured this out by watching others relapse in early recovery.

When I was first introduced to the twelve steps, I could not believe that the first one did not say something like: “Do not use drugs or alcohol no matter what.” This seemed like a very reasonable first step to me. So, without consciously realizing it at the time, I made it into my own first step. Not using drugs and alcohol became my own personal policy. As evidenced by the last seven years of my sobriety, this strategy has worked out extremely well for me.

The Zero Tolerance Policy

This is a powerful concept. The zero tolerance policy is simply a pact that you make with yourself. It allows no room for screw-ups, and it always includes the clause “no matter what.” I will not drink or use drugs no matter what. I am going to exercise every single day no matter what. Here is how to make the zero tolerance policy work for you:

1) Figure out what you want – you have to think long and hard about what you truly want in life before you make this pact with yourself. For example, I had to really prepare myself when I decided to quit smoking cigarettes. This is because the strength of your initial decision is meaningless, and it is only the strength of the underlying commitment that matters. I had to work out all the reasons that I wanted to quit smoking, and I had to want it very badly. If you start second guessing your goals and what exactly you want, then your zero tolerance policy won’t be very effective. Figure out what you are aiming for and then create a firm resolve within yourself to achieve it.

2) Be firm with yourself and stay positive - in order for this zero tolerance policy to work, you have to stay positive. This can be tricky, especially when using it to overcome an addiction. You might feel like you are denying yourself from, say, the pleasure of smoking cigarettes, so it is very difficult to stay positive when going through withdrawal. In situations like this, the moment of a destructive relapse is always preceded by a snap decision where the person says “screw it.” There is a shift in attitude. The zero tolerance policy gets thrown out the window and the person decides to smoke again. The whole key to making the zero tolerance policy work is that you must not allow yourself to flip your attitude like this. You must stay positive.

Photo by simeon iksanov and ImNotQuiteJack

Remember why you are doing this (see “Figure out what you want”) and don’t allow yourself to become negative. I distinctly remember going through this exact same mental battle when I finally quit smoking cigarettes for good. I had to force myself to remain positive. I had to force myself to not let my attitude slip into the negative. I did this by the skin of my teeth, only by reminding myself of how badly I wanted to quit smoking. I had to remember all those reasons that I had worked out back when I had sat down to figure out what I really wanted.

Conquer Your Addictions

1) Figure out what you want – and then state it in positive terms. Don’t just say “I want to quit drinking.” Instead, say “I want to live a sober life. I want to be sober and have meaningful relationships again” or something like that. Figure out what you want and then want it more than anything else. Make sure you want it more than anything else.

2) Create the zero tolerance policy with yourself. Make a pact. Say “I’m going to do this, no matter what. And, I’m going to remain positive. I will not allow my attitude to shift. I will not say “screw it.” I will not allow myself to become negative.

3) Follow through with it. When the going gets tough, remember why you are doing it. Focus on what you want. Focus on the positive benefits of it. Don’t allow yourself to be negative.

Don’t pick up no matter what!