Tag Archives: alcoholism

How to Overcome Addiction Using the Ultimate Replacement Strategy

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Overcoming addiction can be baffling without a replacement strategy.

overcoming addictions
Photo by Kyle May

What does this mean? A replacement strategy is actually a creation strategy.

For example, consider a list of common goals that people might strive for in their lives:

Lose Weight

Get out of debt

Quit smoking

Notice that all of these are negatives. People are trying to take something away from their lives. They are trying to create a negative. Now this might be a little nit-picky here, perhaps we are just playing with words a bit, but it probably makes a big difference–especially when it comes to your attitude.

Here is the big revelation: it is impossible to quit anything. Instead, you must replace it. With what? With some sort of creative energy.

For example, people don’t actually lose weight. Instead, they might change their eating habits, and start exercising on a regular basis, and weight does disappear eventually. But to say that they lost the weight is inaccurate, and also not very useful. Instead, they created positive replacement habits. They started living healthier.

Replacement strategies (or creation strategies) are powerful things. This is because they can have a multiplying effect on your progress. Let’s look deeper:

Say you want to lose weight. So, using traditional thinking, you might “eliminate 300 calories per day,” or do the same thing with a certain number of fat grams. You might also mandate a certain number of exercise sessions each week. This strategy will probably make for a long, slow road. Why? Because progress will be incremental at best.

How would a replacement strategy work in this case? The idea is to replace your bad habits with good ones, not just to simply eliminate the bad. So you would replace your least healthiest snacks each week with food that is actually good for you. You could do the same with exercise, and find your least active days, and push yourself to exercise the heaviest on those days that used to be the slowest for you.

Not only are you replacing the bad habits with good ones, you are doing so by applying the 80/20 rule. Target the absolute worst parts of your routine and completely flip them into a positive. Don’t get overwhelmed by trying to change every little thing that is bad in your life–start with the really bad stuff that needs changing and apply overwhelming force to turn it into a positive. That’s using the power of the 80/20 rule! It gets results fast while multiplying your efforts.

How does this apply to recovery?

When it comes to overcoming drug and alcohol addiction, simply abstaining is probably not going to work out for most people in the long run. Doing so creates a miserable life, unless you can incorporate some sort of recovery program.

Now consider the fact that most recovery programs are actually creation and replacement strategies. The question you need to ask yourself is this: how entangled has my life become with drugs and alcohol? Does every waking moment revolve around drinking and/or using drugs, thinking about using and drinking, figuring out ways to get the money so that I can continue to use more, and so on? The extent to which you are obsessed with drugs and alcohol is the extent to which you need a replacement strategy.

My whole life revolved around staying drunk and high on drugs. That was all I cared about. Therefore, consider the replacement strategy that finally worked for me: living for 20 months in long term treatment. Daily meeting attendance. Completely severing all ties with old drinking buddies and associating daily with new and sober friends in recovery. That was my replacement strategy.

Notice that all of those things are an act of creation. They are all positive things that required action on my part, instead of inaction (such as not drinking, or not going to the bars, etc.)

Does this mean that every addict needs long term treatment to overcome addiction? Not necessarily. But you should consider your plan for recovery as a plan of creation. You are not simply “quitting drugs.” What are you going to create in your life, and build up in your life that is positive? This is one reason that 12 step meetings are so powerful. Involving yourself in them every day becomes a powerful creation strategy.

What is your plan for recovery? What positive changes are going to become the centerpiece of your life? Are these changes enough to replace your obsession with drugs and alcohol?

Check back next week for a deeper analysis of what role spirituality plays in your replacement strategy for recovery.

The Illusion of Safety

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margin of error
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My friend Trent over at the Simple Dollar website just reviewed a book called “Margin.” It’s a personal development book that explores typical problems that people have, how creating margin can fix those problems, and what the outcome of doing so is:

Lack of time — create time margin — enjoy more free time — less stress, etc.

Money problems — create financial margin — emergency fund — less stress, etc.

Physical health — create fitness margin — exercise, eat healthier — less health problems.

Emotional health — create margin — cultivate meaningful relationships and mend broken ones — less emotional turmoil.

This is an awesome concept, and a great way of framing things in your mind. One word that comes to mind is “cushion.” The goal is to take each area in your life and create some degree of cushion. This is obvious with money–simply build up a savings account for an emergency fund, and the money will be there when you are in a crunch, greatly reducing the stress of the situation. The idea of using margin to create time-freedom is also an interesting way to alleviate stress. Instead of a hectic, rat-race of a chaotic life, the goal is to create enough leisure time to do the things you really want to do, without having to sell your soul into slave wages for the rest of your life.

So you get the idea: margin is “cushion.” Creating margin gives you breathing room.

But now here is the million dollar question:

How does the concept of margin relate to recovery from addiction?

Here’s how: You don’t get a margin in recovery. Why not? Because you can’t “bank” your sobriety. It doesn’t accumulate in the same way as, say, your educational efforts do. Someone with 20 years of education has accumulated a certain amount of knowledge, and taking a few years break will allow that person to retain almost all of that knowledge.

Recovery is different. Someone with 20 years of solid sobriety is 5 seconds away from picking up a drink. Relapse can potentially happen at any moment. And if it does, it absolutely destroys 20 years of sobriety in an instant. In fact, alcoholism still seems to progress even during long periods of abstinence. People who relapse  repeatedly say that they actually “picked up right where they left off,” and then got a little bit worse.

Margin in recovery: merely an illusion

Most of us are familiar with the concept of margin, even if we don’t think about it much. For example, we all know that we have financial margin if we’ve saved up a lot of money in our savings account. But in recovery, we only have the illusion of margin. There is no margin because recovery is an on-going, creative process. We have to keep creating a positive life for ourselves as we continue on in our recovery. Continuous effort. That is the only defense against relapse–constant progress and vigilance.

Your 20 years of sobriety doesn’t buy you any extra margin….you still have to make it through today–all day!–without taking a single drink.

So remember: in recovery, you don’t get a margin. You have to keep striving each and every day.

Ask yourself: Am I still pushing myself in recovery, or have I become complacent? There is no margin.

How to Prioritize as you Progress through Recovery

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Beating Addiction – How can we best prioritize in recovery?

priorities in recovery
Photo by John Edwards 2008

This the fifth part in a series about beating addiction. The first 4 parts were:

1. The secret of overcoming addiction and alcoholism

2. Transforming your life with a spiritual experience

3. Staying plugged in to recovery

4. Common stumbling blocks that might lead to relapse

The newcomer can become absolutely overwhelmed in early recovery. Getting clean and sober is a monumental task. They say that the only thing you have to change in early sobriety is “everything.”

If your recovery solution is the twelve step fellowship of AA or NA, then you are going to experience information overload when you first get clean and sober. There are so many suggestions, so many different things to do, and so many important things to focus on in early recovery. The people at the meetings will tell you that “it’s simple.”

It is not simple. Do not believe them. “Simple” would be a one step program that states not to pick up a drink or a drug each day–period. That would be simple. But the program consists of 12 steps, abstinence from drugs and alcohol is implied, and there are also a ton of other suggestions being thrown at you as well. “90 meetings in 90 days.” “Get a sponsor.” “Get phone numbers.” I went through this initiation phase myself, and I can assure you, it is overwhelming. There’s no doubt about it. This is not to say, however, that 12 step programs are bad and that you should avoid them–that’s not the case at all. They do offer a tremendous amount of concentrated support. But there is a real need to prioritize in early recovery, because without doing so, the monumental task ahead of you becomes overwhelming.

How to Prioritize:

1) The first 2 weeks clean:

Any addict who has been through early recovery knows that the very beginning can be excruciatingly difficult. Therefore, your only priority at this point should be physical abstinence from the drug. This implies a huge amount of things in your life that will not be a priority for a while–things like work, school, family, and so on. Ideally, spending this time in a controlled facility, such as a drug or alcohol treatment center, would be the best route for most addicts to follow. For the first 2 weeks, the focus should be solely on not using chemicals and the formation of a basic recovery plan. The benefit of rehab is that it can help you with both of these things. Look for a controlled environment to help you in the beginning.

Spiritual priority: Stay open minded and willing. If you are inclined to, start with the prayer and meditation. But the critical thing is to stay open to new ideas that might help you in recovery at this point.

2) Up to 90 days clean:

This is the initial phase of recovery, when you want to fully immerse yourself in some type of support system. For most people, that will probably mean attending lots of 12 step meetings, such as AA or NA meetings. For others, long term treatment might be appropriate. The key to success in this early stage is overwhelming force. Completely immerse yourself in whatever recovery program you choose. The raw statistics do not look pretty for this range of clean time (zero to 90 days), so you really need to put some effort in here.

Spiritual priority: Open up to the possibility that a spiritual experience can happen for you and change your life. Focus on turning your will over to a higher power, and letting things go that are beyond your control. Start appreciating the serenity you get when you stop trying to control everything.


Photo by Redvers

3) 6 months to 1 year clean:

This should be a huge growth period for anyone in recovery. You should be transitioning from “staying clean each day” to “living a full life of recovery.” Instead of focusing on the negative (don’t drink or do drugs), you should have replaced that mantra with positive activities, such as chairing AA meetings, socializing with others in recovery, sponsorship, spending quality time with sober friends and family, and so on. In other words, this is a return to real life. At some point, it has to stop being just about not doing drugs and alcohol and you have to start living again!

Spiritual priority: Gratitude is powerful stuff–it is the Kryptonite that can protect you from getting a case of that one-year-anniversary-relapse syndrome. If you are truly grateful for your recovery, then it is a good chance you will hang on to it. There is a ton of information out there for helping you to cultivate gratitude.

4) One year clean and beyond:

This is when “real life” became a priority for me again: pursuing a relationship, going back to college, finding a better job, and so on. The idea was that once I gained a firm grip on recovery, it was time to start focusing on personal growth in other areas as well. Remember, everything is spiritual, from jogging to playing with your niece in the park to taking a college entrance exam.

Spiritual priority: Help others. Period. If you can help other recovering addicts, that is even better. Nothing works more effectively than working with others for helping (me) to stay clean and sober.

Just for today, what is your priority for recovery? What are you focusing on in order to gain a better life?

Ask yourself: “Am I progressing?”

Common Stumbling Blocks in Recovery that can lead you to Relapse

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Beating Addiction – How to overcome common stumbling blocks in recovery

stumbling blocks in recovery
Photo by Bibi

This the fourth part in a series about beating addiction. The first 3 parts were:

1. The secret of overcoming addiction and alcoholism.

2. Transforming your life with a spiritual experience.

3. Staying Plugged in to Recovery

In this post, I’ll be outlining some of the major stumbling blocks that people experience in trying to beat addiction, and how you can overcome them.

Common Block # 1: Denial

Denial operates on 2 levels: First, denial keeps us from even getting our foot in the door when it comes to recovery. This refers to the addict or alcoholic who continues to use and refuses to admit that they have a problem. But the other, more insidious form of denial can attack us at any time, even after we’ve been clean and sober for years. Even in recovery, we can still get stuck in denial regarding different areas of our lives. An example of this is when our peers see us doing something that they see as destructive or unhealthy, but we refuse to look at our behavior. This can be particularly tricky because this form of denial almost always involves relationships.

Solution: Stay open to helpful “criticism” from your peers in recovery. If one person tells you that you’re out of line, that’s one thing….but if a couple of people start telling you you’re out of line, then it’s time to stop and take a look at yourself. Stay open to this type of feedback. We might be defensive at first, but if you stop later and think about people’s criticism of you, then you can effectively grow in leaps and bounds by overcoming various levels of denial. Be willing to examine your own faults.

Common Block # 2: Underestimating the investment necessary to recover

Newcomers who have never tried to recover before almost always underestimate their addiction. This is huge. Beating addiction takes a tremendous commitment, and a seriously concentrated effort. I went to 3 treatment centers, and finally lived in long term treatment for almost 2 full years, before I finally “got it.”

Solution: Our life experience has conditioned us this way: we can achieve modest success in most of our ventures while only applying a modest effort. But this is not true in recovery. It takes a full commitment to a recovery program in order to achieve long term sobriety.

stumbling blocks in recovery
Photo by joemiranda

Common Block # 3: Resentments

Resentments have been dubbed the number one offender when it comes to relapse, via the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous–and for good reason. Letting anger stew and fester within your soul is a sure way to screw up your recovery. Resentments consume so much mental energy that you have nothing left with which to feel positive.

Solution: Practice forgiveness. If you’re angry at someone, try praying–for their well being. Bless them with all your heart. Also, practice gratitude, and integrate it into your daily life. Let anger and resentment slip away. Take joy in your own life, and stop living through the hatred of others. Let go.

Common Block # 4: Self pity

Self pity is one of my favorite character defects–I used to use it all the time. While it might feel comfortable to throw yourself a pity-party and play the victim role for awhile, it is extremely self-destructive. Why? Because self pity is dis-empowering, addictive, and cyclical. You feel sorry for yourself, then you do nothing to take positive action in your life, and then the cycle starts over again. Very unhealthy for recovering addicts or alcoholics.

Solution: Gratitude is the direct cure–it obliterates self pity and starts you on the path of positive thinking and action. If you are prone to self-pity, then you need to practice gratitude, every day, in order to recover. Make it a part of your life.

Common Block # 5: Laziness (lack of footwork)

This is the reason that many people can attend AA meetings every single day and still manage to relapse. It’s not just your support system–it’s how you change your life….from the inside out. Go back to block number 2 if you are struggling with this: it takes a mountain of effort to overcome a serious addiction. Period. You can’t just “think” your way sober, or read a bunch of literature and suddenly be “cured.”

Solution: Put in genuine effort and attack recovery like you life depends on it (it does). Use the principle of overwhelming force. Motivate yourself to take positive action.

Overcoming these blocks is important to a successful recovery. When I first got clean and sober, all I could do was focus on not picking up a drink or a drug. As I gained strength in my recovery, I started to set other goals that were not directly related to beating addiction. But it turns out that a lot of those accomplishments have played a huge role in my recovery. So how can we know what to focus on in recovery? How can we make the best choices that help us in our recovery? Check back next week for an article about how to prioritize your life in order to have a successful recovery.

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Staying Plugged in to Recovery

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How can we stay plugged in to our recovery and ultimately overcome addiction?

Plugged in
Photo by j / f / photos

This the third part in a series about beating addiction. The first 2 parts were:

1. The secret of overcoming addiction and alcoholism.

2. Transforming your life with a spiritual experience.

In this post, I’ll be outlining how to stay plugged in to recovery.

Why is important to stay “plugged in” to recovery? Because we
actually forget that we are addicts and alcoholics.

Now at first this statement seems ridiculous to most people. How can
we forget such a fundamental truth that we have come to know about
ourselves? Many of us immerse ourselves in recovery, go to meetings, participate in
sponsorship, and read recovery literature, so
how in the world could we actually forget that we are addicted?

This is part of the cunning nature of the disease. Obviously, we
don’t completely forget about our addiction–not for any length of
time anyway. But what happens is that we might see an advertisement
for beer, or see our old crack dealer walking down the street, and we
have to catch ourselves. For just a split second we almost react,
forgetting about how we are now in recovery.

Now don’t get me wrong–we catch ourselves very quickly in these
situations. Usually within a mere second or two. But the damage is
done, in that a thousand little triggers can start to wear down on us
after a while. We might drive past the old bar that we use to drink
at and think for a split second, “gee, a beer would be nice…” and
then we catch ourselves. Does experiencing this trigger make us go
drink? Of course not. But it might play in our minds a bit. Then
the next day something else will hit us in much the same way,
triggering the old feelings. If we aren’t progressing in our recovery
in between these intermittent triggers, they will eventually add up
and overwhelm us.

This is counterintuitive, because any one of us can make it through
a single trigger or urge to use drugs and alcohol. We know we can because we
have done it before. It’s not that hard. What makes this so
tricky is that the triggers add up. Each little trigger accumulates,
until we become miserable enough to take a serious look at
self-medicating again. Then we are in trouble.

Staying plugged in to recovery

As we maintain sobriety, triggers and urges will inevitably arise. In
order to deal with them, we need to maintain a certain level of active
progress in our recovery; in our spiritual growth. Again, this is
counterintuitive. We believe that once we learn how to deal with
triggers, we will remember for the rest of our lives. Recovery
doesn’t work that way–it doesn’t matter how smart you are or how good your
memory is. We still forget that we are addicts, if even for a split
second! And that is enough to start piling up a mountain of misery if
we are not actively pursuing spiritual growth. The key is that we
need to stay active in this pursuit. A boring, passive routine will
cause us to stagnate.

Pursuing spiritual growth

The big book of Alcoholics Anonymous states that our continued sobriety
is based on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. How does this
work? Well, let’s say for example that a recovering addict wakes up
every day in their recovery and does the following things:

1) Prays to a higher power

2) Meditates

3) Reads a daily reading, such as from the “24 Hour a Day” book or
NA’s “Just for Today”

4) Goes to a meeting and shares their experience openly

5) Works directly with other alcoholics and helps them to recover

6) Tries to genuinely draw closer to a higher power and to do his
will in their life

Any recovering addict or alcoholic who is doing those things every day
has a very good chance of maintaining sobriety. The critical thing
here is that this person is practically immune to the occasional
trigger or urge to use drugs or alcohol. Their daily routine is not
stagnant and passive, but instead it is filled with opportunity for
spiritual growth. Their life in recovery is dynamic. They are
interacting with others in recovery every day, and learning and
growing with them. They are actively pursuing a meaningful
relationship with a higher power.

Now, do you have to do all of those things, every day, in order to
recover? Not necessarily. But it certainly wouldn’t hurt to try some
or all of those things in order to get a baseline for your own
spiritual growth and development. Each thing on that list is a tool
that will directly help you to stay plugged in to your recovery and
ultimately help you to overcome addiction.

Make sure to check back next week, for the fourth part of this series in beating addiction: “Major stumbling blocks in recovery and how to overcome them.” Make sure you subscribe via RSS or sign up to receive posts through email if you don

Transform Your Life with A Spiritual Experience

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transorm spiritually
Photo by gtrwndr87 and radiant guy

This is the second part in a series. If you read the first part, “The Secret of Overcoming Addiction and Alcoholism,” then you know that the real secret to long term sobriety is through a spiritual experience.

It’s easy to talk about spiritual matters, because the term is so broadly defined. In order to make this discussion useful, however, we need to get more specific.

The term “spiritual” becomes useful when we break it down into specific actions and behaviors. The spiritual experience is characterized by 2 things:

1) A complete change in personality, and

2) A connection with a higher power.

A complete change in personality

The typical drug addict or alcoholic is self seeking and self centered when it comes to medicating themselves with drugs and alcohol. Although they might genuinely care for other people, their addiction causes their personality to shift, and their chemical use becomes their main priority in life. This leads to extreme self-centeredness.

The complete change in personality that results from a spiritual experience leads us away from this self-centeredness towards a genuine interest in other recovering addicts. Medicating ourselves becomes less and less important each day, and the relationships in our lives become more important.

This change in personality doesn’t happen overnight. You have to start living recovery. To many people, that means involvement in a twelve step program and the association with the fellowship. This is an excellent route to go, because it puts you in direct connect with other recovering addicts and alcoholics. Relating your experiences with these people is a huge key. So is working with them and helping them when you can.

A big part of the personality shift is in the idea of giving back; of helping others. This is a critical component. Without it, you probably won’t achieve a lasting and quality sobriety. Twelve step programs are convenient because they afford you such a great opportunity to give back and to help others, though a spiritual experience can certainly occur without them.

Forming a connection with a higher power

Most people walking into recovery don’t have a strong connection with a higher power. I know that I personally did not, and so I started seeking it immediately.

1) Exploring Different Belief Systems

I immediately started what I viewed as a “spiritual journey.” At the time–for me–this consisted of reading books. I read the New Testament, and the Tao Te Ching. I also read a number of books about Zen Bhuddism.

I was seeking. This wasn’t necessarily a good thing, or a bad thing, it’s just where I was at the time. I was looking for something. I don’t necessarily think this was necessary, but I don’t regret doing it. I learned a lot of spiritual principles (but I would have been led to them anyway).

The 12 steps are a clear path to a spiritual awakening. But some might want to explore outside of AA dogma. Luckily, the fellowship generally encourages this. However, looking back, I don’t think it is necessary. Why not?

Because they are all the same path. We are all on the same journey, all headed for the same destination. Some are further along than others. But I had to seek for a year or two, to see what was out there, and draw all of the parallels. I saw enough parallels between different belief systems that I decided that they are all the same path.

Some might disagree with this. That’s alright–that person is on the path too. It’s not about being right when it comes to spiritual growth. It’s really all about the growth itself!

What’s really important is that I took a suggestion early on to start praying every day. That consistent practice has made a much bigger difference than all of my seeking and book reading that I did.

Helpful Takeaway: Make a habit of praying daily. Seek if you must, but don’t force yourself. Enjoy the journey. And pray.

2) Helping Others and the Loss of Self-Centeredness

This is a huge part of having a “spiritual awakening.” I was lucky to be introduced to AA and the twelve step fellowship, because through it, I was able to start helping others. Instead of obsessively focusing on getting my next drink or drug, I became genuinely interested in other people’s sobriety. This wasn’t something that I did intentionally. It just happened as a result of living in a long term treatment center, taking suggestions from others, and working with others in recovery.

Helpful Takeaway: Be helpful. Reach out to others in recovery. Notice when your obsession with drugs and alcohol slips away and be grateful for it.

Slowly transforming into a different person

So the spiritual experience is achieved through a connection with a higher power and a genuine interest in helping others. But this doesn’t happen overnight….recovery takes time. We can’t just decide to recover overnight and suddenly turn into this super-spiritual being. Anything that happens quickly is bound to be fleeting. It takes time to build up a solid foundation of recovery.

Recognize that recovery from addiction takes time and enjoy the journey. Stay on the path, and constantly evaluate the path. Always be growing, push yourself not to stagnate. Look back and see the tremendous progress you’ve made. Remember where you came from, and the obsession and self-centeredness that your life used to be. See how much you’ve changed and let that be a tremendous source of gratitude. Know that you are blessed as you continue to stay sober. So many others do not make it!

Some addicts and alcoholics achieve this spiritual experience, only to relapse at some point in the future.

How can we achieve long term sobriety?

Check back next week when I dissect the specific requirements needed to achieve a long lasting recovery. Make sure you subscribe via RSS or sign up for email updates if you don’t want to miss it.

The Secret of Overcoming Addiction and Alcoholism

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What is the secret to overcoming addiction and alcoholism?

The secret of recovery stems from a decision to stop using drugs and alcohol. In this post I will explain how to make this critical decision, and what is necessary to maintain a lasting sobriety. The technique is based on my personal experience–what actually worked for me in achieving long-term sobriety.

What is the Biggest Secret to a Successful Recovery?

You Don’t Need a Hammer to Pound in the Recovery Nail….You Need an Enormous Sledgehammer! What do I mean by this? Simply that most people underestimate their disease, and they do not grasp the importance of dedicating their life to recovery.

Secret to Recovery
Photo by caffeinata

This is the big breakthrough that so many newcomers fail to make. They do not commit to their recovery with overwhelming force. This is understandable, given the way our life typically works. When we have a new experience, or a new challenge to overcome, we usually try to be efficient about it. We don’t want to waste time, effort, and energy. So we typically put forth a modest effort when attempting to conquer a new challenge in our lives. For most situations, this is a reasonable approach.

Of course, this doesn’t work with recovery. With only a modest effort, relapse is inevitable. A recovering addict might learn from this mistake, and give it another try, and they still won’t commit to a 100 percent effort. Instead, they will try only a little bit harder than last time. This is a natural progression, and one that usually makes sense in our world. Why go overboard? Why waste energy? And so, addicts and alcoholics continue to relapse, as they slowly find out just how much it takes to maintain sobriety.

Go From Zero to Sixty in Your Recovery, Right Now

The answer to all this, of course, is to commit fully to overcomingaddiction. What does that mean? You must initially dedicate your entire life to it. Use the concept of overwhelming force to dominate your new goals in recovery. Don’t just push yourself to follow your recovery plan with a modest effort. Instead, crush your goals completely by going far above and beyond what you think is actually necessary. Here are three ways to do that:

1) Long Term Treatment

This sounds like an extreme measure to most people, but living in long term treatment for 20 months was one of the best decisions I ever made. There is almost no way to achieve a higher level of support than to live with other recovering addicts and alcoholics. Long term treatment saved my life. It works.

2) Develop a Huge Support System

They tell you to get phone numbers of other recovering addicts and alcoholics and to use them. They tell you to get a sponsor. They tell you to call these people and interact with them on a daily basis. Most people make only a half-hearted attempt at this type of networking. Those who make it in recovery develop a huge support system that is vital to success.

3) Hit Those Meetings

A popular suggestion is to go to 90 meetings in 90 days. To many people, this sounds like overkill. But it’s really just a modest baseline. Ask someone with several years in sobriety and they will almost always tell you that they went to MORE than 90 meetings in 90 days in the beginning.

Starting to see a pattern here?

Overcommitment. Going above and beyond the suggestions. Organizing your entire life around recovery. These are the strategies that produce lasting sobriety.

There is More

The suggestions covered above are all great, and they were a huge part of what kept me sober in the beginning. But the real secret to recovery lies in the spiritual experience–this has proven to be the key to long term sobriety for me. Next week I’ll be posting a complete guide to the spiritual experience.

If you’d like, you can subscribe via RSS or sign up to receive these posts through email if you don’t want to miss it.

How to Conquer Your Addiction – A Powerful Technique that Worked For Me

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Conquering an addiction can be a bit deceptive. The problem is that we have conditioned ourselves to look for incremental progress when it comes to personal growth. What does that mean? Let me give you an example.

Conquering addiction
Photo by iwona_kellie and Michelle Gomes

Take weight loss. If you make a decision to lose weight, you might start an exercise program, and then make a concerted effort to not eat certain foods. You might step on the scale each morning and start to see the results of your efforts. These results are incremental, and progress is relatively slow. Perhaps you will lose a pound every few days, but then slip up on the weekend and eat some unhealthy food that you weren’t planning on. So there is a slight slip in your progress, but overall, you continue to make incremental steps towards your goal of losing weight.

Another example might be with losing your temper. Say you have a coworker who typically enrages you. So you make a conscious effort to maintain a calm demeanor and general goodwill towards this individual. You might do well with these efforts on most days, but occasionally find yourself getting upset with the person anyway. You’ve made progress, but there are still some trouble spots with this issue.

So much of personal growth–and indeed life itself–seems to operate this way. Nobody expects us to be perfect. We do not demand perfection of each other. We are usually happy to see incremental progress towards our goals.

But conquering addictions does require perfection. Abstinence from drugs and alcohol is the whole key….it is the prerequisite to a life of successful recovery. We must not use drugs or alcohol, period.

Abstinence is a perfection. That means that when you are abstaining from drugs and alcohol, you are abstaining one hundred percent. There is no room for error. Nothing must slip through the cracks here. Abstinence is a perfection. You must abstain perfectly in order to succeed. This might be obvious, but I noticed that it was not heavily emphasized in early recovery.

Conquering addiction
Photo by wakingmagenta and Jingles the Pirate

When I first came to recovery, I was a bit confused by this apparent lack of emphasis on abstinence. There seemed to be a number of other things that I was supposed to focus on in order to start working a recovery program. For example, the connection with my higher power. Or simply finding a higher power. Or finding a sponsor to guide me through the steps. Or simply working through the 12 steps. But no one seemed to be shouting from the rooftops that absolute abstinence from drugs and alcohol was the number one priority. But I quickly figured out that it was. I figured this out by watching others relapse in early recovery.

When I was first introduced to the twelve steps, I could not believe that the first one did not say something like: “Do not use drugs or alcohol no matter what.” This seemed like a very reasonable first step to me. So, without consciously realizing it at the time, I made it into my own first step. Not using drugs and alcohol became my own personal policy. As evidenced by the last seven years of my sobriety, this strategy has worked out extremely well for me.

The Zero Tolerance Policy

This is a powerful concept. The zero tolerance policy is simply a pact that you make with yourself. It allows no room for screw-ups, and it always includes the clause “no matter what.” I will not drink or use drugs no matter what. I am going to exercise every single day no matter what. Here is how to make the zero tolerance policy work for you:

1) Figure out what you want – you have to think long and hard about what you truly want in life before you make this pact with yourself. For example, I had to really prepare myself when I decided to quit smoking cigarettes. This is because the strength of your initial decision is meaningless, and it is only the strength of the underlying commitment that matters. I had to work out all the reasons that I wanted to quit smoking, and I had to want it very badly. If you start second guessing your goals and what exactly you want, then your zero tolerance policy won’t be very effective. Figure out what you are aiming for and then create a firm resolve within yourself to achieve it.

2) Be firm with yourself and stay positive - in order for this zero tolerance policy to work, you have to stay positive. This can be tricky, especially when using it to overcome an addiction. You might feel like you are denying yourself from, say, the pleasure of smoking cigarettes, so it is very difficult to stay positive when going through withdrawal. In situations like this, the moment of a destructive relapse is always preceded by a snap decision where the person says “screw it.” There is a shift in attitude. The zero tolerance policy gets thrown out the window and the person decides to smoke again. The whole key to making the zero tolerance policy work is that you must not allow yourself to flip your attitude like this. You must stay positive.

Conquering addiction
Photo by simeon iksanov and ImNotQuiteJack

Remember why you are doing this (see “Figure out what you want”) and don’t allow yourself to become negative. I distinctly remember going through this exact same mental battle when I finally quit smoking cigarettes for good. I had to force myself to remain positive. I had to force myself to not let my attitude slip into the negative. I did this by the skin of my teeth, only by reminding myself of how badly I wanted to quit smoking. I had to remember all those reasons that I had worked out back when I had sat down to figure out what I really wanted.

Conquer Your Addictions

1) Figure out what you want – and then state it in positive terms. Don’t just say “I want to quit drinking.” Instead, say “I want to live a sober life. I want to be sober and have meaningful relationships again” or something like that. Figure out what you want and then want it more than anything else. Make sure you want it more than anything else.

2) Create the zero tolerance policy with yourself. Make a pact. Say “I’m going to do this, no matter what. And, I’m going to remain positive. I will not allow my attitude to shift. I will not say “screw it.” I will not allow myself to become negative.

3) Follow through with it. When the going gets tough, remember why you are doing it. Focus on what you want. Focus on the positive benefits of it. Don’t allow yourself to be negative.

Don’t pick up no matter what!

Stop Feeling Sorry For Yourself and Overcome Self Pity – A Step By Step Guide

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This is a complete guide to help you stop feeling sorry for yourself and overcome self pity.

Self Pity: Defining the Problem

Before we can develop a plan to overcome self-pity, we need to take a quick moment and gain a thorough understanding of it.

Almost any person is capable of occasionally feeling sorry for themselves from time to time. This is not normally a problem. It becomes a problem when an individual starts feeling sorry for themselves on a regular basis. Some people will even go out of there way in order to play the victim role in order to be able to feel sorry for themselves. Continue reading →

A Million Little Pieces

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A Million Little Pieces

Title: A Million Little Pieces

Author: James Frey

Overall Rating: A very, very good book. Potentially life changing in the right hands.

What are some things you really liked about the book?

Frey has a unique, gripping style of writing. The story is well paced and emotionally charged. You will not become bored with the story.

Anything that wasn’t so great about it?

Just all the hype, controversy, and media coverage involved with the book and the author.

What this Book is all about:

This book is about a struggling drug addict/alcoholic and his journey in early recovery. At times it is violent and explicit, but even the squeamish folks will overlook this because the story is so engaging. It is not necessarily an accurate portrayal of a treatment center, but that is beside the point. This is a stirring, emotionally gripping roller coaster of a story that will seriously engage you and leave you wanting more. Frey exaggerates, embellishes, and flat out lies in parts of this book. It doesn’t matter. Even if the book is nothing but lies and falsehood, the story is so emotionally engaging and the writing is so well done that you can’t help but be completely taken away by the story.

Who should read this book:

People in recovery, or anyone with an interest in addiction and/or alcoholism. Or, simply anyone who wants to read a gripping story.

Who might want to skip it:

Anyone who can’t get over the fact that much of the story is actually a falsified memoir is going to skip this book. But I am urging you to throw that all aside and just read the thing. The story is so moving and the writing is so raw and perfectly executed that it just doesn’t matter. Read the story and digest it and take it for what it is worth. To me, the story was worth a great deal. I happen to be in recovery, but this book truly made me think; made me reflect on things. And it gave me gratitude. Don’t let the negative hype take that experience away from you. It is worth a read.

Final word:

Forget all the hype and buy it now. You will not regret it.